Time Travel and Relativity

We are all time travelers. We just move through time sixty seconds per minute ... and usually in a forward motion. However, time is relative. Some of those seconds feel much longer than others while some whiz by faster than the speed of light. If only Einstein thought this way, perhaps we'd have a working time machine today.

Actually, we do have a working time machine, thanks to Swiss precision. The only problem with it is that you can't speed it up or slow it down unless you get one of those Korean knock-offs, but those are broken because even when you speed it up or slow it down, it doesn't seem to affect time outside of the device. In fact, I tried slowing down time using the device, which is strapped to your wrist in order for you to be included in its range, because I was running late for a meeting. I figured slowing down time would give me more time to get to my appointment. I arrived to discover an irate individual tapping his foot impatiently on the floor.

I cursed the time device, cleverly called a Watch, and tossed it in the Thousand Islands dressing bucket of the salad bar. Apparently, all you can do with the thing is watch it tick. Otherwise, the damn thing is completely useless. What's so clever about that? Someday I might find a use for that watchamacallit, but for now I'll rely on my social interaction skills and the fact that I can ask for the time in at least 5 languages.